I probably should have thought it through better. I didn’t really think it through. My neighbor and I were pulling an engine out of a gold 96 Lexus ES300. It was a beautiful day and a woman was walking past our location. I had never met her, but my friend knew her well. They exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes when I spoke up.
Say, do you know who’s house this is? We’d hate for him to to come home while we’re stripping his cars.
By the look on her face, it wasn’t what she was expecting to be asked.
She knew my friend because they attended church together. In the LDS church, you attend church with the people in your neighborhood, but the boundaries are very arbitrary. For example, my friend literally lives across the street. But because the street is the boundary between congregations, he and I attend chuch at different times. The woman on the street lived in the same neighborhood as I did, but I’d never met her before because of the church boundaries.
I wonder how often we do the same thing at work? In my building there are about 800 people. But on my floor there are probably only 100 or so. I walk by many of these people every day and have no idea who they are. Even in the area I work in, there are about 40 people and because half of them work in another departemnt, I don’t interact with them at all. I don’t know their names.
I’m a fairly outgoing person most of the time. I don’t have trouble meeting new people, or interacting with folks I’ve never met. But, like everyone, I’m busy and I’m concerned with my own projects and tasks. With few exceptions, I don’t play games at work. Our work area has a dart board that I’ve never thrown at. It has an indoor basketball hoop that I never shoot at. I talk to the people who sit next to me to be polite.
And yet, I know the value of informal relationships. I play in the month long basketball tournament. Last year was my first year and I was randomly assigned a team. They were people I would rarely if ever work with. After playing together, I actually know and will talk to them. And occasionally I need stuff from them.
I’m trying to decide if I’m anti-social, or simply too swamped with work, or just not interested in meeting everyone in my work area. I can certainly be polite, but it takes energy and time to build relationships. You only have so much time, you have to decide what’s the best use of it.
The woman on the street replied,
No, I’m sorry. I don’t know who lives here.
That’s alright. I do.
You know who lives here?
No, I live here.
Confusion corrected, but I still didn’t ask her name.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday at 7:00 AM Mountain Time. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and one grandchild.
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It started as a simple list on a piece of paper. I was trying to compile a list of what I do, for my new manager. That doesn’t sound too difficult does it? I realized my job fell into nine categories.
- Dealing with Service Interruptions
- Handling Internal Service Tickets
- Dealing with Change Orders
- Handling Service Tickets from our client
- Design Work
- Project Work
- Launching New Lines of Business and sites
- Attending Meetings
- Training
Then I started expanding each category to try to capture the full breadth of scope for each topic. Dealing with Service Interruptions involves interruptions caused by our engineers/systesm and outages caused by USAA systems and engineerings. We approach the two scenarios differently. Each had to be documented.
I found that the more I wrote the more I remembered. I didn’t really think my list of job tasks was all that long. Getting into this role definition document, I felt like it kept going and going.
The details of my document aren’t important to you. Much of it is very job-centric. But, what about your job? Do you know what’s expected? Does your boss understand what your role it? Last week I talked about having to inform 58 people when I went on vacation (An Overinflated Opinion Of My Importance.) It’s no wonder I had to inform so many, my job spans multiple departments.
I knew all of it, of course. But, there is value in laying it all out in a single document. So, now what? What is my next step after seeing that I do way too much to get it all done well?
The most valuable portion of the document was the Solutions section. I looked at the various tasks I had and say, “What would help get this task accomplished quicker?” Sometimes it was having another person to share the load. Other times, there was not really any way to take responsibilities away from me. Doing so would violate one of the two guiding principles I came up with.
Be where the client is: If my counterpart is involved with our company at any level, I need to be right beside her.
Keep the engine running: Our call floor is the economic engine that drives the rest of our company. If we have agents not taking calls, it can mean that we miss our availability goal and have to pay a penalty. It also means that we are not billing for the calls we aren’t taking. My job is to keep the engine running as efficiently and as close to 100% capacity as possible.
This document went to both my new manager and the head of the team I work the most with. It will become the basis for defining my role. I knew these discussions were taking place. I also knew that if I wanted a say in how my job was going to be defined, I needed to seize the opportunity to help shape my own destiny.
You might want to consider writing out your job responsibilites. It’s a fascinating exercise. And if it totals to 16 pages, you might want to consider recommending some adjustments.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday at 7:00 AM Mountain Time. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and one grandchild.
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Thirty one years. That’s how long it had been since Mark and I had seen or spoken to each other. Today, I was chasing him across Oregon and was 90 minutes behind. From the time I hit Umatilla we’d been texting back and forth. Each gas stop was an update as we travelled the same road displaced in time by an hour and a half. What had led us to this 70 MPH chase was a lifetime of friendship.
See, Mark and I met in the 5th grade. We were ten. I was the new kid in school, he was the self described “geeky fat kid with glasses.” We attended Mr Michalak’s 6th grade class at Nisqually Middle School. Our friendship was cemented in an incident that I have long forgotten but Mark never has. As he tells it,
I was getting picked on by an 8th grader in the lobby, next to the office. Even though he was also a 6th grader, Rod stuck up for me. The older kid then picked him up and threw him through the lobby window. Fortunately it was plexiglass, but the older kid got away with it and we got in trouble for breaking the window.
We’ve been friends ever since.
We helped each other get into various amounts of trouble in high school. After HS, I ended up living at Mark’s house for a few months while preparing to go on a mission for the LDS Church. I’d had a fight with my parents. I ended up at Mark’s which may not have been the best environment for a future missionary. Eventually, the bishop decided that I should move in with a church member. Mark remembers “the guys in the white shirts” came and took me away. That was the last time we saw each other. . until last Monday.
We hadn’t intended to not see each other for three decades. Like many people, facebook brought us back together, at least online. We both have a passion for politics, although we couldn’t be more opposite in our opinions. We were debating the Person of the Year choice a few yeas ago. The choices had been Julian Assange, the Wikileaks guy who is currently hiding in the Ecudarian Embassy in London, or Mark Zuckerberg, the billionaire inventer of facebook. Zuckerberg was selected and Mark felt they made the wrong choice.
I don’t know Mark. We haven’t seen each other decades and now we talk nearly everyday thanks to facebook. You might say that Zuckerberg had more influence on the world than Assange.
The problem was that while we talked on facebook, we lived 100 miles away. He’s south of Seattle about 3 hours and I’m in Utah. Each time I’d visit my mother in Olympia, WA I’d email him.
I’m going to be in Olympia over the weekend. Any chance we could get together?
I’m teaching a kayaking class on Sunday and then I’m leaving for Idaho first thing Monday morning.
Where in Idaho?
Twin Falls.
I’m right through there. Maybe we could get together for a few minutes.
Sure.
It makes sense really. I live in Utah, he lives in Washington, Idaho is half way in between.
And now I was approaching exit 182 in Twin Falls, ID. As I pulled into the motel parking lot, I immediately knew he’d be the guy driving the Subaru wagon. Even before the final text saying, “Here now” He was opening the door to unit 18.
They say that friends, really good friends, can go months without speaking. Then when they finally see each other, they pick up right where they left off. I can assure you that it’s not just months, it’s years and decades too. Last time we’d been in the same room, we were both young, single guys. Now, we are both old guys. He had his daughter with him. I told him about my children and grandchildren.
We drove up the hill to the truck stop to catch up over dinner before I had to drive another 4 hours home. I have been friends with Mark longer than anyone else on earth. I expect that I may not live long enough to be friends with someone that long again.
This blog is about business and leadership. And those are important. We move between companies multiple times during our careers. We keep contact with some coworkers, others drift away. Although, they are always going to be a LinkedIn connection.
This week I’ve tried to focus on the human side, the “life” side of the work/life balance. And no aspect of it is bigger than the idea that creating and cultivating a few deep and abiding friendships is one of the keys to a happy life.
I don’t know if it will be 31 years before Mark and I see each other again. If it is, it will be his turn to buy dinner in 2046 when we are in our 80s.
You cannot make old friends. They have to be grown.
Me and Mark Whitaker, my oldest friend at a truckstop diner in Twin Falls, ID.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday at 7:00 AM Mountain Time. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and one grandchild.
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Fans of JRR Tolkien’s Lord of The Rings series will tell that nine is a pretty special number. It’s the number of the fellowship. Frodo, Sam, Merrie, Pippin, Gimli, Legolas, Gandalf, Aragorn and Borimir. It is also the number of rings made for the kings of men. Those nine became the Nazgul, or Dark Riders.
During my recent trip to Washington my brother gave me a gift. A dramatization of The Lord of the Rings on CD. They came in this cool wooden container.
I started reading The Lord of the Rings when I was about 12 years old. I read it 4 or 5 times during high school. I remember playing The Lord of the Rings board games as a kid. And then of course we had the movies. I remember thinking that Peter Jackson, the director did as good a job as anyone could in telling that epic story. I really felt I knew this story.
It’s thirteen hours from Olympia, WA to Pleasant Grove, UT, across Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Utah. As I pulled out of Olympia on Monday under a beautifully drizzly day, I stuck disk one in the CD player and rediscovered a story and a place I had nearly forgotten about.
#1 Adventure Finds Us In The Most Unlikely Places
Frodo, of course heads off on his epic adventure one step ahead of the police. . I mean the black riders. Interestingly we know that had he chosen to stay, he’d have died, and it would be a very short story. It wasn’t until he’d made the decision to move that he realized the danger of inaction.
Choose to be proactive rather than reactive.
#2 Friends Make All The Difference
Merrie and Pippen seem to join the adventure almost by accident. They don’t really add much to the beginning of the adventure. But, that’s why Frodo’s acceptance of their companionship is so important. He accepted them before he knew he was going to need them.
Cultivate your friends and allies long before a crisis.
#3 Be Prepared To Slay Your Own Dragons
Okay, there are no dragons in Lord of The Rings. The last one was killed in the Hobbit. But, we watch the hobbits, ill-prepared as they are, strive to solve their own problems. They don’t go looking for Strider to help them. He has to convince them that they need him.
Help will often appear at the hour it is most needed.
#4 When It’s Time For Action, the Time For Meetings Is Over
Ever notice that the meeting at Rivendale kind of drags on until Frodo says, “I’ll do it.” Yeah, don’t you wish you had more meetings like that?
Make a decision and move on.
#5 Committees Tend To Increase The Scale Of Any Project
It was just four hobbits that brought the ring to Rivendale, but when the committee gets involved all of sudden they are vastly expanding the assigned resources. Sometimes It’s a good thing, but later in the story it’s back to just two hobbits taking the ring on to Mordor.
More is not always better.
#6 People Are Going To Let You Down
If you, like Frodo are the guy ultimately responsible to get the results, there are going to be people like Boromir who commit to help you and then try to take over your project.
Sometimes keeping your own counsel is the wisest action.
#7 Committees Often Outlast Their Original Purpose
After Sam and Frodo take the ring and slip away, the rest of the Fellowship still continue. They simply switch focus. A committee is really hard to kill. . .even with orc arrows.
Have an exit strategy for your project teams.
#8 It Is Often The Small Things That Matter Most
The big sweeping battles ultimately proved useless in stopping Sauron. It took having the right person with the right tools in the right place at the right time. That’s a lot of “rights.”
Don’t neglect the small details.
#9 Finishing Is Often The Hardest Part
You probably don’t have to stand at the Crack Of Doom, but the last part of the project, the last rewrite of the report, creating the last two slides of the PowerPoint presentation; the ending is often the hardest part.
Have enough gas in the tank to get you across the finish line.
The story lasted until I hit the Utah border. Although switching CD’s at 90 mph can be a little bit tense, I appreciated the gift.
Interestingly, the story lasted just over nine hours. And there were nine disks.
Nine is pretty significant number in The Lord Of The Rings.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday at 7:00 AM Mountain Time. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and one grandchild.
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It was not a typical trip. In fact, every aspect of it was different. I needed to get from Pleasant Grove, UT to Olympia, WA. It’s about 900 miles. If this were a typical business trip, I’d drive to SLC airport, get on a plane and 90 minutes later get off the plane at SeaTac. Depending on traffic, I’d be in Olympia in about 2 hours. Door to door the trip would probably take about five hours.
Instead, I was driving. Google estimates that 906 miles takes 13 hours and 47 minutes. You can do it faster than that, if you are willing to dodge the highway patrol. The speed limit in Northern Utah and Southern Idaho is 80 mph. Go 9.5 MPH over the speed limit and your 89.5 MPH means you are going a mile every 40 seconds. It’s eats up the distance pretty quickly. But, you have to slow down when you hit Oregon. The speed limit is 65 MPH and they really mean it.
The trip gave me plenty of time to think. I left beatiful Pleasant Grove, UT on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon. Mt Timpanogos doesn’t have nearly as much snow as it should for mid March.
I first pointed my car East down Provo Canyon to Heber, UT. My 18 year old niece was going to ride with me. This is a picture of the backside of Mt Timpanogos. The mountain resembles a sleeping Native American princess. Her head is to the left and her feet are to the right.
I grew up in Olympia and went to college at BYU in Provo, UT. I’ve made this drive at least a dozen times, maybe more. Parts of it are incredibly beautiful, parts of it are incredibly ugly. But, It represents a couple of things to me.
First, even though I live in Utah and I love it here, Washington will always be home. Driving back, I became 22 years old again, headed home for the summer.
Second, I got to appreciate the beauty that is the American Mountain West and Pacific Northwest. We stopped for the night in Pendleton, OR. It’s about 9 hours from PG to Pendleton. That would leave us a 4-5 hour drive for the next day. We had to be to Olympia by 5:00 PM. And breaking the trip up, meant that we got to enjoy the scenery.
Part of that scenery was the view from my table at breakfast. These are the rolling hills of Eastern Oregon before you get to the Blue Mountains.
Walking to breakfast, I passed the exercise room and laughed at the layout. That’s a stationary bike and right in front of it is a vending machine. I pictured a hamster running on his wheel to get to the carrot on a string.
The picture is actual an optical illusion. A trick of the light made it appear the vending machine was inside the exercise room. It was actually across the hall. The red “flame” is a reflection from the Coke machine next to it. Still seems wrong to put the junk fook this close to the exercise equipment.
Breakfast was my standard fare. I eat the same thing for breakfast when I’m travelling: fresh fruit, orange juice and yogurt. I prefer peach, but my choices were strawberry or blueberry.
You can tell this wasn’t a free continental breakfast because they had the good sense to add bacon. Yeah, the meal is better with bacon.
My visit in Olympia was incredibly short. We arrived in Olympia at 2:00 PM and I left the next morning at 9:30AM. Unlike the sunshine in Utah, Olympia was comfortingly cloudy and rainy. The feelings of home were complete with the drizzle.
Unlike many places, rain in the Northwest isn’t an angry torrent. It’s more a gentle mist. Gas prices as I fueled up for my return trip were a lot higher than Utah, so it wasn’t completly a trip down memory lane. My car takes the midgrade fuel. It was the first time in a long time that I’ve paid over $3 / gallon for gas. 
I drove South from Olympia and went over White Pass. I was tempted to take pictures every quarter mile. This is what the road looked like for 100 miles. Fog, evergreens, winding road. I even ran into snow at the summit. I can’t remember the last time I drove through snow in Utah. Not nearly enough, that’s for sure.
Driving back across central Oregon the wind was kicking up mile long ribbons of dust. It’s hard to tell from this picture, but the wind is howling. That sign behind the car blew over shortly after I took this.
As the afternoon turned to evening, the setting sun painted moving pictures on the roadside.
My late start meant a late arrival. I’m disappointed this picture was blurry. The highway sign is announcing this is the Bliss, ID exit. It’s not a big town, but I have to admit my ego gets a shot every time I drive through a town that shares my name. It’s last about 40 seconds. (It really is a small town.)
I finally pulled into my driveway about 2:00 AM. The time change and spending the morning with my mother took their toll. I’d spent about 28 of the previous 62 hours driving. I had gone 1800 miles. Taking a plane, I can get most of the way around the world in 28 hours of travel. A plane travels between 500 and 600 mph. I averaged, 64 MPH. The biggest difference is that planes fly above the clouds and miss all the scenery.
It was nice for once to drive below the clouds and take a few hours to enjoy a good old fashioned road trip.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday at 7:00 AM Mountain Time. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and one grandchild.
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I took a trip this weekend. Not your normal business trip. I travelled to Washington to celebrate my mother’s surprise 70th birthday party. It wasn’t a surprise that my mother was turning 70. But, it was a surprise that my step father was throwing her a surprise birthday party. And it was even more of a surprise that I drove 1000 miles from Utah to be there, and my brother drove 1000 miles from California to be there.
This trip was really important to my mother. It’s part of the reason that I decided I wasn’t going to “work” over the weekend. I sent an email saying I was going to be completely unavailable. (An Overinflated Sense Of My Own Importance.) Last week when I discussed work/life balance, (Work/Life Balance Is Overrated) I talked about the fact that if something conflicts with work, I just do it anyway. Because I normally take that attitutde and that direction, it made much more of an impression on my clients and coworkes when I said I’m not available.
There was no way I was going to risk missing her party because something broke. And I’m sure it did. In fact I know something broke. I butt-dialed one of those 58 people that knew I was on vacation.
Hey Rodney, since you called, did you want to know the status?
The status on what?
They want to put Windows Media Player on the call floor. There’s a big long email chain. VPs are on it and it’s created quite a buzz.
If they put Windows Media Player on the call floor without getting the client’s permission, someone is going to get fired.
Oh, I know. . .
But, I’m on vacation, I’ll hear all about it on Tuesday.
She was surprised at the party and cried at all the work here husband had gone through. Then she caught sight of my brother and she cried. Then she caught sight of me and cried again.
Each of her children spoke a few words at the party. When it came my turn on the mic, I said,
I used to think that everyone’s life was like ours, and that my family was just better storytellers. And then I discovered they are not. In fact, my siblings and I have been blessed to lead extradinary lives, and we owe it to an extraordinary woman who made it possible.
During this party, I met people I hadn’t seen in years. My mother still lives in the town I grew up in. One friend from high school stopped by,
I wasn’t going to come, but then I thought if Richard and Rodney are there, I really want to say hi to them.
How did you know we were coming? We only decided on Wednesday and we didn’t tell anyone.
I knew you wouldn’t miss your mother’s 70th birthday.
And she was right.
Happy birthday to my wonderful mother.
I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday at 7:00 AM Mountain Time. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and one grandchild.
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I did something unusual last Saturday and Sunday. . .I took a vacation. Actually, the vacation started at 4:00 PM on Friday and extended through Monday night at Midnight. I work a normal corporate 9-5 M-F job. Except that I like to get in the office early, typically by 6:30 AM. So, it’s shifted to 6:30-2:30. Except our call floor starts at 5:30, so occasionally it’s 5:30-2:30. Except who goes home at 2:30? I’m off work sometime between 4:00 or 5:00. So it’s 5:30 – 5:00. Except that my call centers operate 24×7, so occasionally, I get calls after hours. . .and on weekends. So, it’s really a 5:30 to “Rodney we have a problem” o’clock.
But last weekend I changed that. I decided I was unplugging. I sent an email letting people know I would be unavailable:
Seems weird to send out this type of a mass broadcast, but I will be taking a vacation (otherwise known as a three day weekend) and I will be unavailable. No email, no cell phone.
What: Rodney dropping off the face of the earth
Start: Friday 3/20 4:00 PM MDT
END: Tuesday 3/23 Midnight MDT
Please reach out to my manager if you need something during that time that I would normally be involved in.
Now, who to send it to? My manager, of course. And, the Mission Control folks who manage the day to day operations on the call floors, And the call center managers. And the account managers. And the VPs over the account. And our desktop engineers. And . . .
When I finally finished adding everyone that might send me email or call me, the list was 56 people.
Think about taht. I’ve arranged my job, so poorly that I have to let almost 60 people know if I intend to not answer my phone or email during a weekend. I don’t view this as an example of how important I am. Instead I view it as an example of poor planning. I clearly have no succession plan.
One of our analysts mailed me back and said,
I’m happy for you. Of course, I’m terrified for us, but happy for you.
No one is indespensible. Anyone can be replaced. It appears that my oranizational style is to simply run everything through me. Want a policy on the call floor changed? Rodney has to approve it. Want someone to run the outage coordination? Rodney does that. Want someone to call the client? Ask Rodney.
I don’t mind the attention, really I don’t. It can be a littel tedious at times, but It’s what I do. But, the number of people on the TO: line of my out of office email was sobering. It’s not that I was wrong about how many people were influenced by my leaving. Just that it was my responsibility to work myself out of a job.
Today, I’m driving back from Olympia, WA to Pleasant Grove, UT. We’ll see how much my leaving for a few days was noticed.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday at 7:00 AM Mountain Time. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and one grandchild.
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This I know. I know that it’s true.
I was crushed. After nine years together, I was being told our relationship was over.
Let’s talk about this. I can change. Give me another chance.
We’ve been over this. You’ve had chances, but it just turns out the same way every time. No, this time it’s really over. You’ve got a half hour to clean out your stuff. I’m going to need your key and your laptop.
I hadn’t been fired from a job since I was 16 years old. And it wasn’t even just that I was being fired. I had married this company. It wasn’t just what I did, it’s who I was. The year was 2003 and the company was Microsoft.
I’d been so excited when I got to go to work for Microsoft. Marry the company? I absolutely fell head over heals in love with it. I had a closet full of clothes with Microsoft’s name on them. I took my kids to the summer Microsoft party every year. Each Christmas my wife and I would attend the swanky department christmas party. The annual company meeting was an all day affair held at Safeco Field, the home field of the Seattle Mariners.
I didn’t bother with a personal email account. Why should I? I had the [email protected] account. I was never planning to leave. Let’s face it, the money was pretty good too, but just the idea of working for Microsoft was exciting. Even now, 20 years after I first started there, I still get a bit of a thrill thinking that I got to work there.
And I did some really cool things. I worked on the first three versions of Microsoft Exchange. I worked on a skunkworks project. That’s a project that hasn’t been publically announced. It was called NetApp and it was a very cool online office-type application. It was so cool, the Office group killed it for fear we would take some of their customers.
My final team was on a project codenamed Longhorn. We were building hooks into the operating system that allowed programmatic control of the operating system and all applications. This was important to screen readers fro the blind, but also to automated testing groups. Longhorn would later be released as Microsoft Vista, although our code got cut out of Vista.
And it was the manager of that group that announced he wanted a divorce.
Losing a job is emotionally taxing. I think it’s harder on husbands and fathers. I remember walking to my car thinking, “What am I going to tell my wife?” “How will I tell the kids they can’t go to the Microsoft summer picnic?”
This sepration was particularly difficult for me, because I was emotionally married to Microsoft. I had let it define who I was. Now that I no longer was employed, I had to rediscover who I was.
I’ve used the marriage metaphor a lot this week. It’s because emotionally, that’s how it feels. . . I think. See, I’ve been happily married to the love of my life for 27 years. I’m constantly amazed at that fact. However, I do know a little about divorce. My mother has been married 7 times. Thirty years of that was to my dad until he passed away several years ago. So, that’s a lot of other failed relationships.
When you are married to another person, you can nurture and build a stronger relationship. If you are married to a corproration it is nearly always going to end emotionally bad. My first company was WordPerfect. We were together for five years. Then, Microsoft came calling and I told WordPerfect I was leaving. I said, “It’s okay we can still be friends.”
The company threatened to sue me. They went after me pretty hard for months. I didn’t understand. I’d done so many good things for that company how could she. . .they. . .treat me like this?
I’d emotionally married the company and then asked for a divorce. The company responded exactly like a spurned lover.
So, what are you to do?
You don’t get emotionally involved.
I went to work several years ago for a large non-profit in Utah. This was an organization that aligned very closely to my own personal world view and values. The company was populated with people who all shared a common belief structure. Surely, it was okay to fall in love with THIS company, right? They were everything I ever wanted in a relationship.
I stayed emotionally disengaged. In fact, I approached each day as if it were my last. And then one day it was. They had some reversal and ended up laying off a bunch of us. I should have been emotionally devastated. In fact, 15 years earlier I would have been.
However, since I had resisted the urge to get married, it wasn’t nearly as tramatic when she said, “We should start seeing other people.” I’ve been accused of being emotionally distant in my personal relationships. It’s something I’ve consciously worked on. After all, these are the people I love and I want them to know and feel that.
However, I’ll reserve those feelings for those who can reciprocate them. I’ve given up marrying companies. It’s too emotionally exhausting.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday at 7:00 AM Mountain Time. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and one grandchild.
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Desmond Mason was the richest guy I know who ever got sucker punched by his boss. He was a basketball player. He was chosen in the first round by the Seattle Sonics. They promised that he was the future of the franchise. Desmond got married a couple years after he entered the NBA. I consider he got married twice. First to his wonderful fiancee. That wedding happened in Hawaii. While there, team officials made their pitch that they were planning to offer Desmond a long-term contract. They loved him and really wanted to formalize their long term relationship.
They wanted to get married. And the groom went for it.
He bought the house next to mine and did major renovations. He started a local charity bowling tournament (Bowling?) He integrated himself into the community.
Imagine his shock when he was unceremoniously traded to Milwaukee? His boss didn’t even have the guts to tell him personally. The person who had promised him a long term home let Desmond find out by watching Sportcenter. I got to talk to Desmond about 6 months after his trade. We were both getting ready to sell our houses.
How’s Milwaukee?
It’s alright. I’m in an apartment downtown.
No house?
No, ownership really wanted me to buy a house. I said, “Let’s talk after the long term contract is signed.”
Fool me once. . .
Your company wants you to commit to a long term relatinship. They want to marry you. How do I know? Because I’ve been on both sides of the table.
When I was running RESMARK, I had a really limited budget. I hired programmers that were going to make A LOT of money in their careers. I caught them early in their professional life and was able to hire them for way less than they could make somewhere else. Since I couldn’t compete on salary, I worked on two other aspects of work/life.
First, I played up the “fun” factor. I gave all my employees a $100 radio controlled car for Christmas. I brought in micro RC cars and let them play. We had a “Snow on the Mountain” contest.
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Our office had an excellent view of Mt Timpanogos. The employees got to guess what day in the fall the last of the snow would be gone. The winner got a video iPod. We offered free drinks. (No, not that kind.) When you were hired, you got to pick your favorite beverage and we’d stock it in the company fridge. All you wanted. Ironically, most of my programmers wanted a literal water cooler. (Great, they get what they want and it’s cheap.)
The second thing I did was to try to instill a sense of loyalty, a sense of family. We were writing rafting software. I visited our beta sites and brought back logo’d t-shirts for every employee. I put some on the wall that represented the different rivers in the US.
I talked about how we were doing something that hadn’t been done. I talked about “the journey.” I let them know that I trusted them and I was depending on them. It might sound like I was calculating and devious. Yes, to the first. No to the second. I absolutely was trying to build loyalty. I wanted them to think of RESMARK as not just a job, but an adventure. (Oh yeah, I stole slogans when they worked!)
But, I wasn’t devious. I was completely open with my staff about what I was trying to do. They may have been new to business, but their BS detectors were working just fine. I needed them and they knew that. But, human nature is a funny thing. People will often rise to the level of your expectations. The fact that they knew I needed them was actually one of the reasons they stayed.
So, if companies are so interested in marrying you, why should you say no?
Because a company can’t have loyalty. A company doesn’t have feelings. A company is a collection of people getting paid to do a job.
Don’t misunderstand. I’m a big believer in working hard. Give your employer your very best work. Even go above and beyond what is expected. But, realize at tyhe end of the day, The company’s goals are exactly the same as yours: To make money. Don’t lose sight of that fact.
Because after all, over half the marriages end in divorce.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday at 7:00 AM Mountain Time. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and one grandchild.
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I really liked her. I was a little leery that she seemed to be really needy. She sucked up all my time. She insisted that I spend my time with her and was pretty jealous of any time I spent away from her. Even time with my wife and family.
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This week was my one year anniversary at my current job. I like it. Not as much as I did when I started, but few jobs survive the honeymoon period. In my case, it was a marriage of convenience. She (I mean they) needed an experienced Project Manager to work exclusively with a high profile very demanding client. I needed a job. It was a match made in heaven.
Every new job is a bit like a new romance. We are told that an interview is a chance for you to see if you like her and see if she likes you. I mean “them.” See if they like you and you like them. But, let’s be honest. If you’ve been out of work, especially for a long time, you just want a job. And from the other side, if you need to hire 30-100 people each month like my company, you often take people based on hoped for potential. Sometimes we form marriages of convenience.
And just because I really needed to be with someone doesn’t mean that I don’t want to make it work. The job has worked out much better than I had hoped. I get to do lots of interesting things and the parts I don’t like are a minor part of my job.
So, what if you don’t instantly have that “spark” between you? How do you make your love grow? I think the first thing is to approach the relationship with an open mind. I’ve met people in my life who I was sure were going to be complete jerks. As I worked with them and got to know them, I realized they were people just like me.
I work with a lot of engineers. I have my entire career. Engineers, and I’ll throw programmers into that group, are a tough group to love. Many people find them unemotional and frankly, a little boring. I mean really, want to see programmers fight? Just ask them to pick between waterfall and agile methodologies.
No way. Way more waterfall projects fail than agile.
Oh, sure, tell me again how I’m a pig.
You’re not a pig. The pigs get to talk in scrum. You’re a chicken. Chickens are not allowed to talk.
It’s almost sounds like English. But, if you figure out how to talk to them, they are often great guys. Sure, they are a little interested in Comic Cons, but at least you’ll have a friend who can help you fix your computer. . .if you are willing to move to Linux.
They key to developing a love for a new company is similar. Learn the lingo. My current company has a definite corporate culture that has taken me a while to learn. Even thought they are based in Utah, they don’t have a huge influence from the LDS Church like many Utah companies.
My company is hugely supportive of the military, to the point that at times it almost feels like a USO club or something. The fact that my daughter will be commissioned a 2nd LT in a few weeks earned me important social points.
So, look for the good in her. Buy her flowers occasionally. (These are disguised as doughnuts if you work with IT.) Learn the lingo. Learn the uniform. (Red on Fridays at our office, to honor the troops.) Put as much into the relationship as you expect to get out.
It’s Not You. It’s Me
My work anniversary was an important date for me. Because I did come into the relationship with some reservations, I promised myself I’d give it a year. And then decide. About a month ago, I received an unexpected raise and promotion.
Yeah, she loves me back.
But, what about when she doesn’t. What do you do when you’re just not that into her? First off, it’s a big cold world out there. Unless she is asking you to break the law or you find that she’s secretly turning tricks on the side, don’t bail on one relationship before you have another one lined up.
Once you do find another gig, give her adequate notice, but don’t linger. I’ve had jobs where it was obvious she wasn’t feeling it, and I thought, “If I just try a little harder, I can win her love.” Didn’t happen. Try not to appear desperate. However, also, don’t think that you have to stay out of loyalty. She will find someone else. Seriously, any of us can be replaced.
Oh, and when you get to the next place, don’t talk bad out your ex. Nobody wants to hear that.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday at 7:00 AM Mountain Time. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and one grandchild.
Follow him on Twitter (@rodneymbliss)
Facebook (www.facebook.com/rbliss)
LinkedIn (www.LinkedIn.com/in/rbliss) or email him at rbliss at msn dot com