The Exciting News I’m Scared To Tell You

Spoiler alert: I’m not going to tell you the exciting news. I’ll tell you about the news, but not the news itself.

I’m a paranoid security expert. I think you should be too. But, I probably won’t be able to convince you. I can’t even convince my own family to be as paranoid as I am.

I’m a certified computer expert. I have an entire alphabet soup of of certifications and citations. No one is impressed with a computer expert. You’re like the microwave oven. A complex piece of equipment that they want to use as little as possible.

Microwaves get no respect. Not like an regular oven. I think it’s because you can’t make bread in a microwave oven.

Anyway, as a computer expert, I know about computers, electronics, the cloud, Artificial Intelligence system, RFID tags, spoofing, hacking, phishing, spear phishing, whale phishing, viruses, malware, spyware, adware, software and vaporware.

And with that great knowledge comes great. . .fear. Ever talk to someone who worked at a fast food restaurant for more than six months? Do they actually eat at the restaurant? No? Why not? They know too much about how the food is made.

That’s IT guys.

I don’t have a smart doorbell. I don’t have a smart toaster. I don’t haev a smart car, or themermostat, or much of anything. I have a phone. (Can’t exist without one.) And I have a home network with two routers, and multiple firewalls that provide protection in depth.

Is my network unhackable?

No, it’s not. No network is.

And that’s why I’m paranoid. I don’t do Interent “surveys.” Sure what was your favorite dog? Where did you go to school? What year did you graduate? When were you born?

No thanks.

That’s why I can’t tell you my exciting news. My daughter had a baby yesterday. She’s gorgeous, both mother and baby. I have eight daughters. I’m not going to tell you which one had the baby.

And the baby’s name is beautiful. It means “to bloom” in Greek or “dew from God” in Hebrew. And the middle name is a family name. And I would love to show you a picture. I have multiple pictures of her, and my daughter and son-in-law.

So, here I am, a guy who loves my family and is super proud of them. But, the paranoid security analyst in me won’t share any of the details with you.

Because in addition to being paranoid, I believe everyone gets to tell their own story. Even if that story is only one day old.

Welcome to the world, (NAME REDACTED)

Stay safe

Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.

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