Getting Played Like I Used To Play Programmers

I know the drill. I even wrote about it. (How To Talk To A Programmer (And Get Results.))

The process is really simple. Don’t ask a programmer to do something for you. Simply ask him if it’s possible. He’ll say no, of course. Then, wait for a couple of days. He’ll come back and tell you that he’s figured out how to do it.

I have one report that I own at my company. It measures the availability of our systems. I’ve worked on the report off and on for years. A few months ago, one of our account managers came and asked me to provide additional information in the report.

Sorry, that’s not possible. We don’t collect that information. I can’t add it to the report.

You know what happened?

Sure, you do.

A week later I went back to the account manager.

You know, I’ve been thinking about that. I think I’ve figured out a way to rework the report to provide the information you were asking about.

Two weeks ago, my manager asked about an additional change to the report. Where I had been reporting by product lines, now they wanted me to report by individual users.

Sorry, that’s not possible. We don’t collect the names of the impacted users. We only do aggragates. There’s no way to add it to the report.

Yeah, that was two weeks ago. You know what happened?

Sure, you do.

I’m meeting with the extended team. We’ve gathered in Salt Lake City from all over the country. I was talking to my manager before our meetings.

You know, I’ve been thinking about that change. I think I’ve figured out a way to rework a separate report and get that information.

The downside is that it’s going to take about 25 hours of programming to rework my report. I have to rewrite hundreds of lines of code in dozens of Excel sheets.

The thing is that I know the technique. I just didn’t think it would end up being used on me.

Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.

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