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What Do You Really, Really, REALLY Want?

September 25, 2014




I know what I want. I want my project to be successful. I want to lose another 10 lbs. I want to get the dings in my car has fixed. I want a raise. I want to fix our oven that broke last week. I want to learn to play the guitar.

I also know what I REALLY want. I really want to pay off my house. I really want to do a good job at work. I really want my daughter to graduate from college. I really want my kids to stop fighting. I really want get the cracked living room window fixed.

I also know what I really, REALLY want. I really, really want to have enough money to retire. I really, really want my wife to have good health. I really, really want to publish a book this year. I really, really want to pass the classes I signed up for. I really, really want my children to grow up with good morals and to become successful adults. I really, really want to be able to help my neighbors and those less fortunate.

These were easy. But, what do I really, really, REALLY want? Three “reallys” asks, “what am I willing to sacrifice for?” What am I willing to keep as a goal for years even when it looks like I’m not getting any closer? Really, really, really means it’s one of my two or three overriding goals.

My friend Howard Tayler did an “Ask Me Anything” on Reddit. Howard really, really, really wanted to be a professional cartoonist.

Howard and I have known each other for 20 years. We’ve been friends for slightly less than that. For more than a decade he has known exactly what he wanted to do. And he went out and did it.

My friend Kevin and I have been friends since high school. Kevin really, really, really wanted to run a Television studio. He not only runs the studio, he runs a “group” of TV studios.

I’m not sure I’ve wanted something that much. Both Howard and Kevin put their minds to their goals and dedicated a good portion of their lives to achieving them. Both are absolutely delighted in their current jobs.

In some ways it’s depressing. Seriously, talking to them, they know what they want. . and as far as careers go, they got it.

I know I’ve really, really, really wanted things in the past. I really, really, REALLY wanted to marry my wife. It took me asking twice, and several months of serious courting, and several years of knowing each other. But, I really, really, really wanted it. I am absolutely delighted with the person I married. We celebrate 27 years this December.

I really, really, REALLY wanted to be a father. When you adopt kids, you go through a slightly different emotional journey than when children are born to you. Not better, not worse, just different. With each of my adopted kids, there was a point at which it was in doubt whether we would be allowed to adopt them. I really, really, REALLY wanted it. I’m absolutely delighted that I get to be a father to this Bliss Bunch.

I really, really, REALLY wanted to earn my Project Manager Professional certification. The truth is, I’d been out of work for over a year. We had gone through the severance pay. Our health benefits would soon run out. I was desperate for a job that would pay what we needed to support my family. The PMP led directly to me getting the job I have now. I like my job, and I am absolutely delighted that I get to put PMP after my name.

But, what now? What are the big goals? The multi-year goal that I’m willing to sacrifice to achieve?

I could define my goals “negatively.” I really, really, REALLY never want to move my kids into a barn again. (Starting Over At 40) I really, really, REALLY never want my kids to have to deal with abuse.

But, those aren’t really goals. They are simply things I want to avoid.

I think I settled on three.

I really, really, REALLY want to finish my degree. I spent years studying Computer Science at BYU, but quit school to go to work at WordPerfect (Back To Where It All Began)

I really, really, REALLY want to be a professional author. Part of the reason I write here every weekday, is that I enjoy the idea of sharing stories with you guys. When I first started blogging a friend asked, “Are you going to run out things to write about?” Well, it’s closing in on two years and my topics list is longer than when I started. However, I also believe that you have to practice. This is my writing practice. I’ve learned that I can write on a plane. I can write in a hotel room. I can write sitting on the side of the road waiting for a tow truck.

I’m still working on putting together my 16 Management Rules That Make No Sense. I’ll let you know when I get closer.

I really, really, really want to have a job where I sell me. I don’t yet know what that looks like. An author? A storyteller? A consultant? A lecturer? An artist? When I started this blog in 2012 I had a goal in mind. Remember I was unemployed at the time. In the IT world we call it “self” employed.

I went out and did a google search on my name. I think I was the 5th or 6th entry. And it was for a book I’d written nearly 20 years earlier. (Microsoft Exchange Connectivity Guide) The goal with the blog was to build an online reputation. In IT if you are looking for a job, you can bet that anyone you interview with is going to google you. I wanted them to see what I had done lately. There was a realtor named Rodney A Bliss who lives back east. His website was the first entry.

Today if you google Rodney Bliss, I’m number 1 and 2. The realtor is number 3 and then I’m the next four. If you google “Rodney M Bliss,” I’m the entire front page.

None of my really, really, REALLY wants are tied to money (I want enough to get by and not go into debt), fame (I enjoy it, but I have 13 of the best fans I could every want.) Health? Maybe a little. No one wants to suffer. But, I’m comfortable with my mortality. We are all going to return to the dust someday. The prospect doesn’t scare me.

What do YOU really, really, REALLY want? Are there dreams that you don’t even give yourself permission to have?

Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday at 7:00 AM Mountain Time. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and one grandchild.

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or email him at rbliss at msn dot com

  1. I just woke up, searched for my laptop in the dark, and started browsing blogs. This was one of the results in my search. I must tell you: this is exactly what I needed to start my day. It’s very thought provoking, and I can’t thank you enough for sharing!

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