I’m an old IT guy. That means that YES, I know what all the commands are that you can use in that C:\ black box. And I use eMail. I use it a lot. Most social media apps have private messaging that encrouch on eMail. I have an msn.com address, a hotmail.com address. Several gmail.com addresses, Facebook’s private messaging, a Twitter account, and a LinkedIn! account that has email. That doesn’t even count my corporate email.
My early career was as an email expert. I wrote training materials for Microsoft and WordPerfect. I even wrote a book, Microsoft Exchange Connectivity Guide. Email was pretty much waht I did. Which is why I hated SPAM. SPAM is unsolicited email. Today, much of it is caught by email firewalls. And the CANSPAM act required that SPAM include an opt out link. But, SPAM itself is a blight on the world. There’s no place for it.
Or so I thought.
I actually have two work emails. They point to the same mailbox, but one address is rbliss the other is rodney.bliss. I picked the rbliss name, the company assigned me rodney.bliss. I never use it for anything. I’ve never once typed it into any web form. I’ve never given it to anyone as my email address.
It recently started to get SPAM. The SPAM is mildly sophisticated. It sends me what it thinks are interesting advertisements for conferences. I delete them without clicking UNSUBSCRIBE. The SPAMMERS “scraped” the email address from a message, or they simply guessed that the address at my company is (firstname).(lastname). Like I said, I hate it.
But, then, I got an unsolicitated email and thought, “That looks interesting.”
The email came to my LinkedIn! email. I had to ask myself why I was okay getting SPAM in my LinkedIn! account, but not my corporate mailbox?
Context.
LinkedIn! is a bunch of business folks exchanging electronic businessness cards. And if I went to a conference and someone approached me and offered their card and a sale pitch, I would listen. I might not buy, but I’d listen and think nothing of it. But, if that same person were to show up at my house? “I’m sorry, we’re not interested. Take us off your list!”
On Facebook, for example, occasionally, I’ll get unsolicited messages. Maybe it’s an old high school buddy wanting to reconnect. maybe it’s a friend of a friend. The point is that I don’t see a problem with it. And yet, if I got a random “request” to my msn.com account, I’d be suspicious.
Each platform has it’s own specific language. LinkedIn! is business. Facebook is social. Twitter and Instagram are celebrity. If you hold the conversation in the right venue, you can get more interest where in the wrong venue, you will get shut down. I thought over my various messaging apps and addresses while writing this and then thought of the one I forgot.
Oh, and I have WordPress private messages, of course.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
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or email him at rbliss at msn dot com(c) 2017 Rodney M Bliss, all rights reserved
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Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
Follow him on
Twitter (@rodneymbliss)
Facebook (www.facebook.com/rbliss)
LinkedIn (www.LinkedIn.com/in/rbliss)
or email him at rbliss at msn dot com(c) 2017 Rodney M Bliss, all rights reserved
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Our computer system was behaving exactly like it was supposed to and it was starting to get annoying.
If you think about it, computers are really good at not dying. I don’t mean your computer or smartphone. Or mine. Those die at the most inoportune times. But, enterprise level systems are pretty good at staying alive.
We have been working on fixing a technical issue at my job for ten days. That’s an eternity in software terms. You figure you can rebuild an entire server in four hours. You can ship new replacement hardware across the country in a single day. You can typically rebuild an entire system in a week.
Ten days is forever. It’s a complex problem, of course. I have four locations and my problem only shows up in one of them. You’d think it was location based. But, if I reclassify one of my Salt Lake City agents and tell the system they are a New Orleans agent, then they have the problem too.
I’ve done my share of troubleshooting over the years. I don’t do much anymore. IT is a young mans game. Not as young as when I was starting fortunately, but still, I’m supposed to provide leadership. We have engineers much smarter than me who do the heavy lifting.
And, of course, we will figure it out. It’s only hardware and software. Replace enough pieces and eventually you’ll find the bit that broken. Our current problem is that we think the bit that’s broken might be in memory of one of our systems. Normally, that wouldn’t be hard to fix. You probably regularly reboot your phone or your computer. Reboot and the stuff in memory is cleared out when the computer reboots.
That’s where systems are different than computers. Most of my systems are redundant. I have two of everything. I even two of my groups of two. The entire system is designed to NOT DIE. If one computer server crashes, there’s another one to gracefully take over. If a circuit goes down, we automatically reroute to a different carrier. We never want to lose our current data.
And that’s my problem. If I reboot one of my servers, the other server will automatically take over, transfering everything in memory to itself. When the first server reboots, the second one will hand back everything that was in memory. Kind of like saying, “Here, hold my coat while I go lie down for awhile.” When you come back, your coat is fully intact, including the money in the billfold and the stinky tuna sandwhich you forgot from lunch. . .yesterday.
But, what if you want to get rid of that stinky tuna melt? That’s when failing gracefully just won’t do. Next week we will have to reboot both servers at the same time. (We’ll be killing you and the guy that held your coat.) We’ve decided it’s the only way to clear out what’s in active memory.
It is surprisingly hard to do. I didn’t think I would be complaining that the systems don’t crash enough. They fail too gracefully.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
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or email him at rbliss at msn dot com(c) 2017 Rodney M Bliss, all rights reserved
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It didn’t snow on us Friday night. During the night, I wish it had. Snow is warm. I know that sounds crazy, but when it’s snowing, it’s not as cold as when it’s not snowing. More specifically, it’s not as cold as when you have no cloud cover. We were prepared for 6-12″ of snow. That’s what was in the forecast. Clouds are like a really fluffy blanket that helps to trap warm air. As the snow goes down and the temperature drops, cloud cover prevents the heat, even if it’s only a little, from dispersing quickly.
And if you actually get white flakes, the snow on your tent acts as an insulating blanket. It’s why snow caves are actually fairly comfortable to sleep in. But, the snow stayed away and we spent a frigid night with the Mercury dipping down to 8 degrees Fahrenheit.
However, the following morning, as we were breaking camp and desperately trying to warm up, the lack of new snow was a blessing.
I used to write training materials for Microsoft Exchange. I was good at it. When writing a training manual, a reasonable “development ratio” is 40:1. Meaning that it takes fourty hours of development to come up with a single hour so classroom material. I know how crazy that sounds, but trust me 40:1 was considered pretty good. More technical courses might have ratios as high as 60:1.
I created a new product course for Microsoft Exchange 5.0. The course was a two week introductary course. So, I’d been leading the team working on this course for nearly a year. I was the course developer (called the Instructional Designer.) We had dedicated trainers who taught the course. For the first time the course was offered, I travelled to the class. This was typically one of our call centers in North Carolina or Los Colinas, TX. For this course, I was in Charolette, NC. A trainer named Win was pair teaching with another trainer. Win got to portion of the course that was new to 5.0. As he was explaining it, I could tell he was getting it wrong.
Sitting in the back of the room I tried to play “lifeguard.”
Win, don’t you mean that the feature works this other way?
No Rodney. That’s not how it works. It does this and this.
Well, can you explain how it does this other thing?
It doesn’t do that.
Could I talk to you when you complete presenting this module?
I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of his class. But, he was training support engineers. I needed to make sure he was teaching the right concepts. As he finished up and handed off to his co-presenter, Win and I stepped out into the hallway.
Win, I didn’t want to press the issue in front of the class, but that feature really works like this.
No, it doesn’t.
Win, I understand this is a new concept. But, it really does this right here.
No, you don’t understand it Rodney.
Win, I’m trying to explain how it works.
Rodney, the book disagrees with you.
Win. . .I wrote the book.
There are times where you end up referencing yourself. This was one of those times. I think about the classic scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Sean Connery is trying to explain to Harrison Ford how to get past the traps or tests that anyone attempting to get the Holy Grail had to pass by.
Well, he who finds the Grail must face the final challenge.
What final challenge?
Three devices of such lethal cunning.
Booby traps?
Oh, yes. But I found the clues that will safely take us through them in the Chronicles of St. Anselm.
Well, what are they? . . .Can’t you remember?
I wrote them down in my diary so that I wouldn’t have to remember.
Even if you know the path you need to take, recording it is important. Later you might need to refer to your own path.
As we got up Saturday morning, the blue sky reflected off of Long Lake.
We were 3.5 miles from the trailhead. Unlike the slot canyons that we often hike, the High Uintas are open, forests with minimal underbrush. In the summer it’s not an issue there are trails and trail markers made from steel with the names of the lakes and trails drilled through the signs.
But, my worry was that we’d wake to a blanket of unbroken snow. We’d broken trail on the way into the lake. Would we be able to find our way out if we had to rely on a path that was buried under a foot of snow? I had a map and a compass and our other leader was very familiar with the area. But, even he admitted, “If we needed to, I can get us out cross country.”
However, because of our frigid night under the stars we didn’t have any new snow. It was a simple process to find our way out. We simply followed the path we’d made when we hiked in. Often when hiking you’ll notice a footprint, and think, “I wonder who the hiker who owns that print is? I wonder where he’s headed?”
It was the first time that I’ve been able to answer those questions. The steps we were following were our own. No one else had braved the elements to get to Long Lake. It was also the first time that I literally marked my own path out of the mountains.
Maxim 33: If you’re leaving tracks you’re being followed
-70 Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Sometimes the person following is you.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
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Today, September 26 is a very special day. It’s the anniversary of the day the world coud have, possibly should have, died, but didn’t.
In September, 1983 I was just starting my senior year of high school in Olympia, Washington. September 26 was a Monday that year. The start of a new school week. I’d probably gone to a football game the Friday night before. My friends and I went to all the football games. It was probably a fairly normal day. I don’t remember it. But, it was the day the world nearly ended.
Recently there was a crackpot who announced that the world was ending in September of this year. I think he said it would end on September 23. It got a fair amount of coverage in the news. It’s a curiousity piece. One radio host called the “researcher” the week before looking for an interview. The man said he was too busy and would be available the following week. Yes, the week after he was predicting the world would end.
As you undoubtedly noticed, the world didn’t end last weekend. Never fear, the researcher announced that his calculations were off and actually the world is going to be over in October. You can probably set up an appointment for an interview with him for some time in November.
Growing up in Western Washington, during the cold war, we didn’t worry much about the threat of nuclear bombs. Within 100 miles of my house we had
- Fort Lewis Army Base
- McCord Air Force Base
- Bangetor Sub Base
- Boeing Air Craft company
- Everett Naval Base
- Bremerton Navy Ship Yard
- Hanford Nuclear Facility
Puget Sound was a target rich environment. And we were the closest portion of the US mainland to the Soviet Union. If there was ever a war, we would be the first ones to die. We’d never even know it started.
We didn’t dwell on it, but we also never really forgot it either. In fact, I remember years later after the USSR had collapsed, Russian president Boris Yeltsin gave a speech in Seattle. He announced that for the first time in decades, there were no Russian missiles pointed at Seattle. The Russians had set the default target zone for all their missiles to be the middle of the Pacific Ocean. It was like being told that the person with a gun to your head took their finger off the trigger.
But, back in 1983, the USSR was strong and tensions were high. Early in September the Soviets had shot down a Korean air liner. Two hundred and sixty people including a US Congressman died. Europe and the United States were threatening retaliation.
In the early morning of September 26, 1983 it appeared we were going to extract our revenge. At least that’s the way it appeared in a Soviet missile defense center just south of Moscow. Alarms went off indicating that the United States had launched five nuclear missiles at the Soviet Union.
The man in charge, Stanislav Petrov, a lieutenant-colonel in Soviet Union’s secret service wasn’t even supposed to work that night. He was filling in for a sick colleague. He was presented with the awesome responsibility of recommending to his superiors if the USSR should retaliate. Petrov literally held the fate of the world in his hand. Training would dictate that he recommend that the USSR launch its missiles. If it had, the world as we know it would have ended. And I would have died in the first minutes.
But, Petrov didn’t fire his missiles. He called his superiors and indicated that the alarm was false. How did he know?
He didn’t. He guessed. Afterward he said he estimated he had a 50/50 chance of getting it right. As the seconds drug into minutes and the minutes drug into eternity, it became clear that Petrov was correct. The alarm was false. High clouds had confused the new Soviet satelite system into thinking it was seeing missiles.
For his part, Petrov said that he had a gut feeling that it wasn’t an attack. Why would the Americans launch only 5 missiles when the had an arsenal of thousands?
It was not unlike the scene in the the movie War Games where Matthew Brodrick inadvertanetly tricked a government computer into thinking the Soviets had launched an attack on Las Vegas and Seattle. We watch the tense moments as the military officials wait to hear if the attacks were false or not.
Except in the case of Petrov, it wasn’t a movie. It was real. He is literally the man that saved the world. He never considered himself a hero, claiming he was just doing his job. However, before his passing away back in May of this year, he did point out,
They are lucky it was me on duty that night.
We were all lucky that Stanislav Petrov was on duty that night. So, as you go through what will hopefully be a normal Tuesday, take a moment to reflect on the significance of September 26, the day the world didn’t end. And say a special prayer of thanks for Stanislav Petrov, the man who saved the world.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
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or email him at rbliss at msn dot com(c) 2017 Rodney M Bliss, all rights reserved
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As far as I know I’ve been in shock twice in my life.
The first time I didn’t recognize it. I was slumped back in a chair in a hospital hallway. My wife had a gallbladder attack at about 11:00pm and we’d been at the hospital for hours. The doctors sent me off to “waiting” chair in the hallway. I promptly fell asleep. The problem was I had one my legs crossed. My right leg was crossed over my left leg. I know because even now, years later, my right ankle still hurts occasionally.
As you know, if you sit for too long with your legs crossed, your leg will “go to sleep.” Several hours was definitely too long.
Mr Bliss?
Huh?
We’ve completed our test. We’ll be discharging your wife in a few minutes. You can go in and see her now.
Okay, I quickly realized that my entire right leg from the knee down was asleep. It was dead! Not yet to the “tingly” stage. I even thought,
I’m going to have to be very careful. . .
CRACK!!!
While attempting to step forward, I had drug the top of my loafers on the hard linoleum floor and then stepped down with my full weight as my foot was still bent backwards. Fortunately, it didn’t hurt. Numb, remember? I backed my way to my wife’s room and sat on a stool. The room suddenly got very cold. I was shivering. My lovely wife was naturally concerned.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I just need to get the last of the shivers out.
Okay, if you think “I’m going to shake for a few minutes and then I’ll be fine” is a valid response to “Are you okay?” chances are pretty good you are in shock. Eventually, I climbed into the next bed over and put a blanket over me. I refused to even tell the doctors that I’d possibly injured myself. We’d been in hospital for hours and I didn’t want to spent even one minute longer.
My foot was broken and I wore a brace for the next six months. Still hurts occasionally.
The second time I went into shock, I realized what was happening. I had a wart on the big toe of my left foot. The treatment for warts, in case you didn’t know is liquid nitrogen. You go to the doctor, he cuts off most of the wart and then kills the rest by pressing a q-tip soaked in liquid nitrogen against the affected area. The actual wart itself has no feeling. But, where the wart tissue meets the good skin, is where doctor has to kill a little good skin to make sure he was killing the wart.
I have a very high pain threshold.
Okay, this is going to hurt. Let me know when it gets too bad to stand.
Okay.
I never said stop. Sure, it hurt, but I figured it was only going to hurt for a few minutes. Better a little pain now than having to come back multiple times. Eventually the doctor quit freezing my toe. I’m not sure if he really was done, or if he was just worried about hurting me too badly.
I put my sock and shoe back on and calming walked out to my car. And that’s when the shock set in complete with the shakes. I was expecting it. I laid the seat back and turned the heater up full blast. After a few minutes my body calmed down and I was able to go back to work.
So, twice; once when I didn’t know what was happening, once when I did.
Last Friday night I found myself having the following conversation with myself while shaking uncontrollably.
I can’t stop shivering. . .I’ll just give it a minute and it will pass. . .It’s not passing. . .I should lay down. . .I’m already in my sleeping bag. . .maybe it’s just because I’m cold. . .but then why am I still shivering? . . .maybe I’m in shock?. . .Maybe the cold put me into shock. . .How would I know? . . .And if I’m in shock, does that mean I’m not thinking straight? . . .Again, how would I know? If I wonder if I’m in shock does that alone mean I’m thinking clearly? Or does it mean I’m NOT thinking clearly?
All the while I was shivering and shaking uncontrollably.
Every September we take the scouts on a backbacking trip to the High Uintas in Northern Utah. It’s one of two backpacking trips we do every year. We start at Washington Lake, elevation 10,000 feet and then hike for 3.5 miles into Long Lake. We’ve been doing this trip for years. It’s always in September.
Three years ago it rained on us and it was a very soggy, but otherwise not unpleasant hike. Two years ago it was exceptionally hot. It was only in the mid-80s but at that elevation, the thin air makes the sun even more intense. Last year? Last year was perfect. Truly the most picturesque hike I have ever been on. The weather was perfect. It was in the mid-70s with puffy white clouds and lots of blue sky. The scenary is absolutely stunning. It reminded me of why I love living in this state.
This year was different. This year we had early snow in the Uintas. We don’t normally hike in the snow. In the winter months we car camp. But, the calendar said September and in September we hike the High Uintas, so we made sure the boys were prepared for a winter camp, loaded up into two 4x4s and headed North.
The weather forecast was for 6-12″ of snow overnight.
The forecast was wrong. Instead of a nice warm cloud cover and snow, we had absolutely clear skies. The stars were brilliant, so close we could reach out and touch them . . .with our cold frozen fingers. It got down to 8 degrees Fahrenheit on Friday night. At least we assume it did. It was 12 degrees at 7:00am when we finally decided it was time to pack up.
Even in the snow it’s important to keep hydrated in the desert. When you are an old man and you drink a lot of water before bed. . .well, your body doesn’t care how cold it is, you’re going to have to get up in the middle of the night. I had to get up twice. The second time, as I scrambled back into my sleeping bag, I couldn’t get warm. I was shivering so badly that I wasn’t sure if I was going into shock. I had Hot Hands hand warmers which ment that I was freezing cold except for three spots around my body.
I’ve spent a lot of nights sleeping out in the wilderness. This was by far the coldest I’ve ever been. In the morning everything was frozen. My water bottle, the inside of my tent, even my boots were like trying to strap on two blocks of cement. Ironically, when I packed my tent, the spot where my bag had been was obvious.
Our next campout is scheduled for Southern Utah in November. I’m happy to say goodbye to the High Uintas for another year.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
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or email him at rbliss at msn dot com(c) 2017 Rodney M Bliss, all rights reserved
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The snow level is an important number in Utah in the fall. As the weather turns colder and the fall storms come through, it rains in the valley and snows in the mountains. The line between the rain and the snow is the “snow level.” I live at the foot of a 12,000 foot mountain. As winter storms clear out, there will be a nice white line as if someone turned the mountain upside down and dipped it into powdered sugar.
My house is at about 4500 feet. We typically don’t see snow on my yard until November. I actually kind of like the snow. Especially when I’m sitting in my cozy warm house watching it through the windows.
I won’t be sitting and watching through the windows tonight. I’ll be out in the High Uintas on a camping trip with our boy scouts. The snow level will be between 6,000 and 7,000 feet for tonight’s expected storm.
I’ll be hiking and camping at 10,000 feet. In some ways, it will be good that the snow level is that low. I’d rather camp in snow than rain. This is not the weather we were expecting.
Last year we did this same hike/camp around the same time of year. The weather was perfect. It was about 75 degrees. The sky was a brilliant blue with just a few white puffy clouds. The forest teemed with birds and insects. Truly, one of the most memorable hikes I’ve ever taken in Utah.
I’m pretty sure today and tomorrow’s will be memorable too. But, for very different reasons. I’m packing warm socks and plenty of Hot Hands.
And, in case you didn’t pick up on it, I’m really not complaining about getting out into the Utah mountains for a couple of days.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
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or email him at rbliss at msn dot com(c) 2017 Rodney M Bliss, all rights reserved
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It was one of the few perks of senority at Microsoft. Whoever had been at the company the longest on a team was the first to get new hardware. The next most senior got their hand-me-down. And so it went until the newest guy turned his old equipment into the recyling teams. But, honestly Microsoft updated hardware so often, it wasn’t a big deal.
The real perk for being the most tenured employee on the team was that you got your pick of office spaces. My friend CK once joined a team that was mostly new employees. When the team moved buildings, CK got the big corner office. His boss got the smaller one next door.
Personally, I’ve never worried too much about offices. I figure that if I have a desk and a phone, I don’t need more than that. So, it was with mixed indifference that I recently made the switch from a cubicle on the North side of our building to an office on the South side.
Offices have some advantages, don’t get me wrong. You have actual walls that you can hang stuff on. You have a door that presumably closes. You also have more room to bring stuff in. I call it “office art.”
And that’s the part that I appreciated the most. Office Art has two purposes: public and private.
Publically, people will see what you choose to put in your office. Some people will post awards. I have a framed copy of a book I wrote. It hangs in my home office. I also have a slew of Ship It awards from a career in the software business. So far the only real public Office Art I’ve put up besides a couple of trophies from company events, are a series of books.
- The Art Of The Deal
- The Art of War
- The 70 Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
- The Prince
Those particular books were chosen specifically. I have a library of a couple dozen business books. These four send a message just by being on the shelf.
I’ve indulged more with private Office Art than I have with public art. I have some sports memorabilia.
- Football autographed by former BYU head coach Bronco Mendenhal
- Three mini-bats, one with my company name, one with the Mariners logo and one that I received at the Louisville Slugger museum
- A mini football helmet autographed by my brother’s friend Ronnie Lott
- A basketball bobblehead autographed by my former neighbor Desmond Mason
I have the requisite pictures of my family, and a mini-fridge. But, frankly, I had all that stuff in my cubicle. But, there was something that wouldn’t fit in my cubicle. It’s definitely a private piece of Office Art. It fits nicely behind my door.
I don’t much care if I have an office or not, but if I do, I’m going to be office mates with baseball hall of famer, Ken Griffey Jr. He didn’t fit in the cubicle.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
Follow him on
Twitter (@rodneymbliss)
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LinkedIn (www.LinkedIn.com/in/rbliss)
or email him at rbliss at msn dot com(c) 2017 Rodney M Bliss, all rights reserved
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Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
Follow him on
Twitter (@rodneymbliss)
Facebook (www.facebook.com/rbliss)
LinkedIn (www.LinkedIn.com/in/rbliss)
or email him at rbliss at msn dot com(c) 2017 Rodney M Bliss, all rights reserved
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Today, September 19, is a holiday. You won’t find it on your office calendar. Outlook isn’t going to pop up a reminder for you, but it’s been a holiday for the past 20 years. Today is International Talk Like A Pirate day. The holiday is the brainchild of John Baur and Mark Summers. The holiday is evidence of two important facts.
FACT 1: Geeks have a sense of humor — you just don’t understand it. Make no mistake, International Talk Like A Pirate Day is a holiday almost universally embraced by geeks. Ask the Marketing Manager if she’s ever hear of Talk Like A Pirate day and you’re likely to get a blank stare. Ask the IT guy fixing your PC and he’s likely to respond with an
Arggg, me hardies!
FACT 2: Anyone can create a holiday. Summers and Baur invented the holiday because of a raquetball ball injury. On June 6, 1995 our two heroes were playing raquetball and one of them was injured and yelled “Aaarrr!” And just like that an idea for a holiday was born. If you are going to invent a holiday you get to pick the date. June 6 already had a pretty important holiday (Allies invaded France during WWII in an event known as D-Day.) So, Summers picked September 19. Why that day? It happened to be the birthday of his wife. . .sorry EX-wife. That explains a lot.
Today is also the start of the Kickstarter campaign for Random Access Memorabilia. This might not seem like it has anything to do with Talking Like A Pirate. However, Random Access memorabilia is book 13 in the wildly popular web comic series Schlock Mercenary written by Howard Tayler.
Schlock Mercenary is the story of a group of Space Mercenaries called Tagon’s Toughs set in the far future. In the words of the author they “Travel the galaxy. Meet exciting new life forms. And kill them.” But, it’s all done in a family friendly way. And it’s funny. The Toughs are not pirates. They are mercenaries. Mercenaries get paid to hurt people and break things. Pirates do it for free.
Schlock Mercenary is written by my friend Howard Tayler. Howard and I have been friends for literally decades. I envy him since he was able to successfully break away from the IT world and pursue his passion of drawing a daily comic and giving it away for free on the internet. It’s a strange business model, but he makes it work. And the new kickstarter program is how he makes it work.
Also today this happened.
That’s a copy of Howard’s in-world book The Seventy Maxims Of Maximally Effective Mercenaries (Defaced edition.) Just because Howard is my friend, doesn’t mean that I don’t give him money. I’m a friend first, but I’m also a fan. His previous kickstarter campaign included this book as one of the rewards. I’ll be reviewing the book later this Fall, but the funny thing is that I had almost forgotten that this was coming. I backed the campaign last year, but since Howard lives about 10 miles from me, when the book came out, I simply went to his house and said, “Hey, can I buy a couple of copies?”
The 70 Maxims are rules for mercenaries (and undoubtably pirates too.) Things like
1. Pillage, then burn
37. There is no ‘overkill.’ there is only ‘open fire’ and ‘I need to reload’
46. Don’t try to save money by conserving ammunition
September 19 is turning into a pretty memorable day. So, get your geek flag on. Order a copy of the latest adventures of everyone’s favorite green amorph (that’s Schlock) and read your copy of how to be an effective mercenary in your best pirate voice. Of course, I always thought the catchphrase for International Talk Like A Pirate Day should have been “Yes, of course, this is a licensed copy of Windows!”
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
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