Book Review: Wired For Love
I would not have read this book on my own. In fact, if it wasn’t for my lovely wife’s suggestion, I wouldn’t have read it. Wired For Love, by Stan Tatkin has the subtitle,
“How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship”
And that’s where Tatkin spends most of his text. The book is designed as a workbook for couples to improve their relationship by better understanding how each other thinks.
Tatkin spends the first part of the book explaining the brain. The various parts and what each part is for. While reading the first part it was hard to get a grip on what point Tatkin was making. It becomes clear in the latter part of the book as he explains the central theme and how different types of people interact.
Tatkin divides people into three groups: anchors, islands and waves. Each has a different way of looking at the world, and more importantly a different way of interacting with it. He pretty much dismisses Anchors. The book isn’t really for Anchors. Anchors are those who are well grounded and a support to those around them.
His attention instead is focused on the Islands and the Waves. Islands are those who build up walls around their emotions. You know who they are. And if you are one, you probably know that too.
Waves on the other hand are like yo-yo’s. They are by turns close (sometimes too close) and distant.
Tatkin explores the relationship between the three types and offers practical advice on how Waves and Islands can become closer to Anchors. He pretty much admits that Anchors don’t really need any help. (I’m not an Anchor, but I married one.)
What I Liked
Tatkin’s prose is clear and easy to understand. He clearly spells out the challenges along with the background needed to have a successful relationship. And the text is aimed at both someone reading it on their own, as I did, or a couple reading it together. His examples, draw from the entire spectrum of relationships; young, old, married, gay, straight. Even if you are an Anchor, his explanations and especially his insight into how people think, is valuable.
What I Didn’t
I’m sure Tatkin understands much more about the brain than I ever will. I’m not sure I needed to understand the in depth functions of the brain to be a better partner to my lovely wife. At times I struggled to find relevance. I wasn’t doing the exercises as I went through. I was simply reading. The text at times felt like a fill-in-the-blank workbook.
What It Means To You
Anyone who is in a relationship will benefit from this book. It will be most beneficial if both you and your partner read it. But, even if you just want to be a better you, this book can help with that. Perhaps you will faili to see yourself as an Anchor, Island or Wave. But, I think most will resonate with at least one or a part of one.
My Recommendation
3 out of 4 stars
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Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
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