I saw “A Quite Place” earlier this year. It was scary. Well, it wasn’t a horror film. But, still it was scary. Many of the “scares” were jump scares. But, the story itself was also frightening. The director used sound to crank up the scare factor.
Here’s the thing, “A Quiet Place” is not a true story. It’s not even based on a true story. It has these crazy aliens that are like nothing on earth. It’s very obvious early in the movie that this story is set in an alternate reality.
So the audience knows it’s not true. But, still the movie is frightening. The audience is really frightening. The fear is real.
I have PTSD. It’s mild. In fact, it’s pretty much limited to interactions with my immediate manager. And not just any interaction. Mostly if he says “Can I see you in my office?” Or something similar.
I understand why I am triggered by that phrase. I understand why I get a knot in my stomach and my hands start to sweat. And it doesn’t matter if I have absolutely no reason to be nervous. It’s a response that I don’t really have control over.
And the crazy thing is that while I’m feeling nervous, sometimes terrified, I know it’s a false response. I know it’s not true. But, it’s still real.
I’m in Vicksberg this week. I wasn’t planning to come to Vicksberg. In fact, it was only two weeks ago that my boss sent me an email:
Rodney, I’m forwarding you an email about a meeting in Vicksberg. I think you should attend. I’ll see you there.
He might as well have said, “Can I see you in my office?”
I spent the last two weeks out of the office. Two weeks ago my son was in the hospital and I worked from home all week to help keep things running smoothly at home. Last week I took some time off. I’ve had previous managers who based their opinion of my job effectivness by the amount of time I spent in the office. I started to get paranoid. I knew this manager wasn’t like that.
Perhaps he wanted me in Vicksberg because he was upset and wanted to tell me in person?
They wouldn’t fly you to Vicksberg to reprimand you.
Maybe he’s upset I haven’t been in the office?
He doesn’t care if you work from the office or home. He never has.
Maybe they found something really serious and he wants to fire me in person?
They don’t fly people on the company dime to fire them. Besided you didn’t do anything worthy of being fired.
But, maybe they just want to kick me out of the company?
They would have to hire someone to take your job. Do YOU know anyone who would do as good a job as you do for this money? For ANY money?
Maybe I’m just paranoid.
“Maybe”?
Just because it wasn’t true didn’t mean it wasn’t real.
I just spent the week meeting with my boss. He told me what a great job I’m doing and how much he appreciated having me onsite while the client’s IT team was there.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
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