This isn’t some creepy post about underage kids having kids. In fact, the grandfather in this story is a respectable 53 years old. He’ll be 54 next month. He has six grandkids; five living and one buried in Santaquin, Utah.
The fact is that I love being a grandfather. When my first grandchild was born I informed my daughter that I wanted to be known to my grandkids as Papa. It’s what I called my favorite grandfather.
The problem I have is trying to hold a duality in my head. Yes, I’m a grandfather, but I also feel like a kid. I find myself sometimes thinking, “I might like to be a pilot someday.”
That’s never going to happen.
“Maybe I’ll write another book sometime.”
Yeah, I’m not getting any younger.
“I havne’t been to a club in a long time. I wonder what it’s like?”
It’s a bunch of young people. . .you know, like you used to be.
I didn’t get old in my head. In my head, I’m still about 23. It was a good year. I got married that year. I was young, strong and the world and all it’s possibilities lay open to me.
But, I’m not 23. I’m six-grandkids-old. And it’s a good age. It suits me, even if it doesn’t match my internal age.
I wonder if I would go back in age if I somehow had fewer grandkids? Would I be different as a four-grandkid-old?
Being proud of grandkids is a little weird. Because, I really had nothing to do with becoming a grandfather. All I did was raise children. It was their lives, their choices that caused me to become a granddad.
But, I’m proud anyway. I love my children, and I love my grandkids even more. And yet, I have no control. My time of raising kids is mostly done. (Still a few at home. None have kids.) I have to rely on my children to make wise and good choices for them and my grandchildren.
All I can do is stand by and love them, or cry for them.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
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