I love adoption. My younger brother adopted four children. My sister adopted three. My lovely wife and I adopted ten. And my older brother and I were adopted by our step-father.
I’m a pretty strong advocate for adoption. It has brought countless joy into my life and the lives of people I know.
It’s also one of the most horrifying events that can take place. People think children are available for adoption because they have parents that do not love them. In my experience those cases make up the vast minority of cases. One of my children is adopted from China. Abortion is legal and cheap in China. The fact that my child was born meant that a mother wanted the baby to be born. The baby was placed near a police station. It was quickly found and placed in an orphanage.
Another group of children we adopted are from Haiti. We met their birth mother. The first question the birth mother asked my wife was, “Do you love my children?” This mother loved her children, but was unable to care for them. She made the heartbreaking choice to place them for adoption. Another child was born in India. That child’s mother placed the baby at the orphanage because she could no longer afford to care for her.
Other kids were from Columbia. Their mother visited them often and attempted to be a part of their life even though she couldn’t raise them.
I was adopted at 14 years old. I asked my birth father to allow me to be adopted by my step-father. I wanted to do all I could to strengthen our family unit. My birthday was heartbroken. But, he loved me enough to say yes. I avoided contact with him for years. Decades even. He is now battling cancer. I reached out to let him know how much I appreciate the sacrifice he made all those years ago.
A few years ago one of my children, who was in the foster care program, asked if I would allow her to be adopted by her foster parents. It was gut wrenching. This was my child. And yet, I remembered the lesson my birth father taught me. I said yes. The judge later overruled the adoption, but I still had to go through the emotional struggle.
I have grandkids that may end up being adopted. And they may be adopted by strangers. At least strangers to me. The thought is crushing my heart.
Yes, adoption is a wonderful thing. It gives children a chance at a life they might never have had. But, it’s not without its victims, too. The joy of a new family is often a reflection of the sorrow of another.
I love my children and I’m grateful that they had the opportunity to be placed or adoption. I sympathize with the pain and grief that the adoption caused their parents. . .and grandparents.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
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