So, Rodney, are you all ready for the big day?
Huh?
Sunday, brother! Valentine’s Day. Are you set?
I debated whether to warn him or not. Evan was newly married. He was still in that first year of marriage where everything is new and wonderful. He was actually excited for Valentine’s Day. We was looking forward to it. We’d worked together for a couple of years although he was in Louisiana and I was in Utah. We talked nearly everyday and on a half dozen occasions we’d ended up in the same state. Normally it was somewhere back east, but occasionally in Salt Lake or his location.
Evan? I’ve been happily married for 28 years. I’m going to share a little bit of hard earned knowledge. You will find that there are three days that a married man has to fear the most every year.
What are those?
Your anniversary, her birthday and Valentine’s Day.
Evan laughed. He thought I was joking. But, I explained.
Most days, if you want to do something special for her, you know, bring her flowers, or a gift or something, it’s totally unexpected. You get to exceed her expectations. You don’t have that luxury on the big three. Your only two options on your anniversary, her birthday and Valentine’s Day are either meeting her expectations, or failing to meet expectations. It’s pretty difficult to exceed expectations on those days.
The best that you can hope for is to break even?
Exactly!
I have the most wonderful wife in the world. I had to convince her to marry me. I cannot remember a time in my adult life when I wasn’t in love with her. She bore three beautiful children who are turning into great adults. She has been my partner in every way as we built our family through adoption. We’ve travelled around the world together to welcome the children we feel that God had waiting for us. My household would be utter chaos without her guiding hand.
I cannot love her anymore than I do today and would do anything for her.
Valentine’s Day fills me with dread. It’s a minefield, full of hidden pressure points that don’t exist on other days. A false step here or there and you’ve unintentionally bruised feelings that will take you until Easter sometimes to make up for. I should also say that much of this pressure is self induced.
I love this woman, I would never want to hurt her. Oh, the card I thought was cute and funny didn’t strike her as serious and romantic? Ouch. (I’m speaking in general here, not talking about yesterday.)
My buddy Evan will figure it out eventually. Relationship coaches will tell you to make everyday like Valentine’s Day. I think that is great advice. Because, every other day, that’s not February 14th, you will be exceeding her expectations. And if you screw up badly enough on the day that really is Valentine’s Day, you might need those other 363 days to make it right. On second thought, make that 361 days. Her birthday and your anniversary don’t count.
Happy Valentine’s Day to my lovely wife. You’ve deserve better, but I’m glad you settled for me.
Rodney M Bliss is an author, columnist and IT Consultant. His blog updates every weekday at 7:00 AM Mountain Time. He lives in Pleasant Grove, UT with his lovely wife, thirteen children and grandchildren.
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